Five Stages
by Lost in Scanslation
Summary: The pain is unbearable at times. How can Tenten begin to accept a world without him? A series of post-war vignettes that show Tenten in her most vulnerable moments as she goes through the five stages of grief. Nejiten, Naruhina, hints of Sasusaku, SaiIno, and basically everything canon in the last chapter.
1. Denial and Isolation

**The end of the series didn't give me quite the emotional closure I thought Tenten deserved, so I took to writing! This story is inspired by a similar NejiTen tumblr post about the 5 Stages of Grief over Neji's death. This time we see it from Tenten's perspective.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters.**

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><p><strong>Chapter I<strong>

**Denial and Isolation**

_"The first reaction is to deny the reality and magnitude of the situation. We block out the words and hide from the facts."_

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><p>"<em>NEJI!"<em>

Tenten shrieked as she bolted upright, breathing unevenly and clutching her sheets in a rigor mortis-like grip. The cold sweat on her skin glistened in the moonlight that shone through the slats of her apartment window.

Her mind was racing. She couldn't breathe. Thoughts flooded her mind from every direction with frightening speed. "Neji!" Another cry escaped her trembling lips as the inner turmoil overwhelmed her.

Something wet hit her arm. She brought her hand to her face - a line of tears trickled down her cheek. _It was just a dream_, she told herself, trying to calm the storm. The torrent of emotions began to subside, slowly. Consciousness returned to her. _Everything is fine_. Her chest rose and fell in a more regular pattern. _Just a dream… just a nightmare._

_I have to see him_.

Tenten donned her pants and signature white blouse as she raced out the door.

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><p>Ambling back to her house, Hinata let out a tired sigh. The meeting with her father had lasted well into the middle of the night. As heiress to the clan, she had a significant part to play in the recent negotiations between the Main and Branch family. The events of the war spawned a reconciliation between the two families… and <em>his <em>sacrifice laid the groundwork for the two factions to reassess their traditions. With newfound clout in the village, Naruto was helping as well—a thought that made her flush deeply. Big changes were in store for the Hyuuga clan.

As she passed the entrance to the compound, by chance she was intercepted by Tenten. Though previously outsiders were not permitted to enter the estate, the war marked a new era of openness for the Hyuuga. She simply wasn't used to experiencing it yet. "Oh Tenten!" Hinata began, mildly shocked. "It's so late. What are you-" But her voice trailed off once she got a better view of her fellow kunoichi.

Tenten had clearly been crying; the chestnut eyes that usually sported the curve of a gentle smile were now beset by a puffy redness. Her trademark buns were lost to a frenzied array of disheveled brown hair. If nothing else, her scattered sniffling betrayed her. Hinata knew this was about to be a very difficult conversation.

"Good evening, Hinata-san," Tenten managed weakly. "Where is Neji? I would like to speak to him."

The words pierced like a blade through Hinata's heart. For a moment, she was unable to move or think. The day it happened, the sickening emotions as she witnessed it… the memory petrified her again. But only for a moment. She almost immediate regained composure and was instead filled with remorse for her friend. Tenten was usually such an admirably steadfast ninja—it pained Hinata to see her this way. _Oh, Tenten..._

The heiress placed a hand tenderly on Tenten's shoulder. "Tenten... Neji-niisan is dead." She said these words as softly and compassionately as her voice would allow. She had her season of mourning for her cousin, but some, she knew, would not heal as quickly. Neji had been her dear cousin, a personal martyr; still, she imagined it was nothing compared to what Tenten was currently feeling. As the only other female presence in his life, Hinata could tell Neji and his partner shared a bond that transcended even familial ties.

"Hinata, where is he?" Tenten replied, casting her comment aside. "This is important. I _need_ to talk to him."

"Tenten… the war..." Hinata gripped her friend even tighter.

"Why would you say that…"

"He's not-"

"STOP!" Tenten howled, whipping her arm fiercely out of Hinata's grasp. By this time several other Hyuuga members were peering out their doors to see the commotion, Hyuuga Hanabi among them. The young girl threw her sister a worried glance.

Hinata knew Tenten had begun to keep to herself after the war, especially following the funeral. Guy and Lee attempted to console her but were met with more resistance than success. In the past week, the once bubbly and tenacious ninja was now rarely seen outside her apartment. As such, Guy had cautioned her friends that if her unhealthy behavior continued, there might be an outburst on the horizon.

"He can't be dead—I have so much to tell him," Neji's former teammate said resolutely, meeting Hinata's pale orbs with her own steely gaze. The heiress didn't need the Byakugan to see the genuine conviction in Tenten's eyes. Hinata began to worry if reason would reach her at all.

Hanabi, who had approached from Tenten's side, added another loving touch along her arm. "Tenten-san, you _mustn't_. Neji wouldn't _want _this. You're hurting him."

Then as if something snapped, all at once the confidence crumbled away, and the weapons mistress collapsed to the ground in a fit of hysterical sobs; sorrow racked through her body as she cried into her trembling hands. _Why, Neji? Why is this happening? Why would you leave me!_ The Hyuuga sisters knelt down and embraced her without a moment's hesitation. _You can't be gone forever! You can't._

Neji… her teammate, her friend, he was the human being she was closest to in her entire life, and she was quite sure she was the same to him. Days, months, _years_ of being together had brought them so close. She found an inexplicable kind of comfort in his presence. Their peers thought their unparalleled teamwork was a result of their endless training, but it was more than that—they _understood _each other. However, to Tenten's ultimate regret… they understood each other _silently_.

She and Neji had been the closest of friends, but neither had explicitly discussed their relationship or where it was headed. Neji's impassive demeanor made the topic seem inappropriate most days. Of course, that's not to say she hadn't entertained the thoughts of furthering their platonic relationship once or twice. She assumed the nature of their friendship would eventually sort itself out over the course of time and was content to wait. But _time_, she would soon learn, was not a luxury afforded to all shinobi.

When she heard the news on the war front, she immediately did what years of being with Neji had already trained her to do: she compartmentalized. She put her emotions in reserve and let her battle instincts take over again. The rest, fighting with Naruto, was a blur. She fought blindly with the conviction he would be waiting for her when it was over. Now it all seemed like a bad dream.

Her one true companion over the years was dead? How could she possibly accept that? Most of her waking moments were spent with him. How could she even begin to continue her life in a world without him? Where did she start? She just couldn't admit the finality of it all.

_I never got to say goodbye_. _There was so much left to say, so much left unsaid_.

"Tenten, why don't stay with us tonight?" Hinata offered and Hanabi nodded approvingly. "We could all use the company."

For a while Tenten remained silent in her quivering stupor until she managed a small nod. "I wish…" she started, "…I wish I had one more chance to say how I felt."

Hinata understood and hugged her close. "I'm sure nii-san is looking down and thinking the exact same thing."

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><p><strong>Author's note: I needed to get out those post-Naruto feels, especially as a NejiTen fan. (You know what I mean.) Please review, comment, or criticize!<strong>

**Thanks you so much for reading! I welcome suggestions and corrections for the story.**


	2. Anger

**Thank you for the review/follows/favorites last time! Hope you enjoy part 2!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters.**

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><p><strong>Chapter II<strong>

**Anger**

"_As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger."_

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><p>News of the engagement spread through the village like wildfire. When Naruto and Hinata announced their plans it seemed everyone in Konoha knew within the hour. Not that it was unexpected; most of their close friends had seen it coming from a mile away, but the rest of the village was always eager to gobble up the latest gossip on Naruto. After all, hearing about the Hero of Konoha always gave them hope for a brighter future. The young love of yesterday's fighters would sow the seeds for the next generation of the Hidden Leaf, they would say.<p>

The big announcement came in the wake of Sai's proposal to Ino. Since the end of the war, the once unimpassioned shinobi had emotions taught, demonstrated – and sometimes shoved down his throat – by Ino. Once he came around, he realized he was indebted to her in more ways than one and had the beginnings of something he had always been searching for: a family. Sakura went absolutely ballistic with the celebrations. "The best victory since the war", she called it.

And whatever those two had caught was contagious. Recently, it seemed love had found many members of the original Konoha 11. In fact Shikamaru, and even Choji, often left the village for those reasons, though they kept trying to pass it off as "diplomatic assignments." No one bought it of course. A season of romance had blossomed from the peacetime. It sure gave the old ladies in their shops something to gossip over and be delighted about again.

And she knew she should be happy for them. They were her closest friends after all. Somewhere deep down, through a confused and chaotic maze of tangled emotions, she _knew_ she was happy for them. But right now it was hard to summon any feelings of joy – Tenten was too scared to even try.

She could reach down into the endless grab bag of emotions that was her heart, and if she wasn't careful, come up with fistful of rage. She was surprised, even horrified, at some of her thoughts lately. Every sighting of a couple and rumor of a relationship only fueled a boiling envy within her. She found herself wishing pain on the very friends she loved, wishing they could experience some of her misery so that they could truly understand how she felt... an idea she never thought she was capable of before now. How could she possibly wish ill-will on someone like that? Even worse, sometimes she caught herself blaming _him_ for all this. The baseless malice shamed her, and at the same time angered her more – a never-ending spiral of guilt and hatred.

So when Sakura and Ino grabbed her by the shoulders and exclaimed that she was going to be a bridesmaid, the initial shock was genuine; the smiles that followed were a mask. Didn't they know their dimension of happiness was lost to her? Couldn't they see that piece of her future had been buried deep under the rubble of war? No, they were too preoccupied with young love to remember how they earned it and _who_ earned it for them. Her feelings were the remnants of a forgotten sacrifice… at least, that's what her gut told her to believe. Maybe not. Maybe they were sincerely trying to help her. She wasn't sure anymore. Her judgement was far too clouded to make any sense of her emotions.

Ironically the last time she had a calm mind was during the Toneri incident. Fighting in the midst of battle was about the only thing that could temporarily take her mind off of things, but that was months ago. It was too peaceful now, even after taking up a job in ANBU. Too many days were spent just like this one, watching from her apartment as the villagers milled about below. All the resentment flared up again as soon as she was left alone with her thoughts.

Needless to say, she was already in a piss poor mood before the ANBU courier appeared by her window.

"_What is it_?" she hissed.

"Tenten, your presence is requested in the Hokage office," he said behind an ANBU mask.

"What for?" she asked though she suspected she already knew the answer to that question.

"I was not given that information. Please arrive within the hour." He disappeared into a pillar of smoke before she could protest.

Damn. She really didn't need this right now. Tenten sighed and rubbed her eyes as she started out her room. She would have take the _long _route to the office, down the central path of the village. The shortcut would take her too close to… well, too close to Konoha Memorial, and she still avoided that place like a plague. She wasn't ready for it, not yet.

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><p>Tenten rasped her knuckles softly against the red wooden door secretly hoping no one inside would hear it. She had neither the will nor the energy to deal with this today. The engagement announcement already put her on edge and she pitied the poor soul that might push her over it.<p>

"Come in," said a voice on the other side of the door. Tenten cursed under her breath and pulled the handle stiffly.

As she entered the room she was met with an unfamiliar sight. Naruto sat in the Hokage's seat behind a mountain of paperwork, scratching his head and looking over the desk like he'd lost something. Shikamaru stood beside him striking his typical hands-in-pocket pose; he looked over at the kunoichi, "Hey Tenten."

Naruto stopped what he was doing and his head shot up, "Tenten! Good to see you!"

Tenten crossed her arms and managed a smile. "So," she chuckled, "you finally made it, huh?"

Naruto stared blankly at her for a moment before catching her meaning, "Huh? Oh… Oh! This? Hah!" He rubbed the back of his blonde head sheepishly. "No, Kakashi-sensei is visiting Sunagakure. I'm not Hokage... yet!"

"The Sixth made Naruto the Director of Internal Affairs for the Hidden Leaf," Shikamaru explained. "He's acting as his replacement while he is away."

"Yeah, he said I needed more political… hmmm," Naruto's eyebrows furrowed as he fought for the right words, "-pact?"

"_Tact_," Shikamaru corrected him. "Seriously, it's troublesome being your assistant. I can only imagine how Kakashi feels knowing you'll be his successor."

"Hey, I'll be the greatest Hokage of all time!"

Tenten shook her head. She was beginning to get impatient with the two's shenanigans. "Can someone tell me why I was called here?"

Naruto's countenance turned grave faster than she expected. She was still used to the silly ninja from their genin days. He pulled open a desk drawer and picked out several documents. "Yes, I wanted to go over your captain's ANBU reports."

_Shit_. She knew this was it. She would have been agitated if she wasn't fairly impressed by how perceptive Naruto was.

"It says here..." Naruto held up the report and read aloud, "Tenten's behavior on recent missions has been erratic. Her colleagues have noted a stark change in fighting style. She has been ignoring our formations in lieu of individual actions that some would consider 'rash.' At times she has shown a complete disregard for her own safety with reckless behavior. Even though we currently fight small-time bandits, she is still a danger to herself as well as the rest of the team."

Naruto put the document back on the table. Tenten looked at the ground and said nothing. The three stood in silence for a split second too long before Shikamaru shifted his weight uncomfortably and motioned at Naruto to say something.

"Tenten," he started. "This isn't like you"

_How would you know,_ she thought to herself. _Recently I don't even know what's 'like me'._

"I understand if you're upset about something-"

_Do you really? Does anyone in this village understand?_

"-but the success of the mission comes first. Your friends' lives depend on you. Your team wouldn't be here without you-"

Tenten gritted her teeth. _And do you know who _you_ wouldn't be here without? Do you remember who sacrificed himself to save _you_? No, you've forgotten like the rest. He should have been with his team. We never even had a chance for last words._

"-I need to know that the top ANBU agents are protecting the village. Your captain is not convinced with your change of heart-"

_You… why YOU!? He ended his future and his life to save yours. Where is your gratitude!?_ She clenched her fist tightly. _You're so blinded by romance you can't even see how it's stained with Hyuuga blood._

"-ANBU doesn't need someone ready to sacrifice themselves so needlessly. The battlefield is no place for those looking to throw away their lives."

_...sacrifice themselves so needlessly… throw away their lives…_ His words rang so loudly in her head she thought it would split in half. Whatever small pocket of reason she still had left suddenly burst, and she lost all control. His words triggered an outburst of years' worth of excruciating accumulated anger. With lightning speed Tenten vaulted over the desk and landed her fist square into Naruto's jaw. "WHAT DO YOU KNOW," she screamed explosively.

The ninja spiraled to the floor from the impact and Tenten quickly pounced, unleashing a relentless barrage of punches onto his chest. "He _DIED_ for the two of you and you've already _FORGOTTEN_!"

Shikamaru jumped forward. "Oi, Tenten! Stop! Are you _insane_?"

Insane? She wasn't sure what insanity felt like. Maybe she was. Right now she was attacking the famed Hero of Konoha – that probably counted for something. She wasn't in her right mind, that's for sure. Hell, if insanity felt like a violent onslaught of emotions that could detonate at any moment, then yes, she had been insane for a long time now.

"Damn!" Shikamaru raised two fingers for his Shadow Binding, and dark tentacles shot across the bottom of the floor, when Naruto raised a staying hand. Shikamaru froze momentarily. _Tch!_ _He's motioning me to stop? _Reluctantly, he released the technique; the shadows immediately dissolved. _He better know what he's doing._

Tenten continued her punches, though significantly slowed. "It's not _fair_," she cried. "How can you get over it so easily?" Tears were now streaming down Tenten's face. Neji's death was so sudden. One moment he was there and the next, his life snuffed out. Naruto was the _only _one with the chance to hear his final words.

Tenten's punches became jabs; jabs became prods. Finally she rested her hand pitifully on his chest while crying softly. They stayed like that for a moment.

"You're wrong," Naruto murmured through a slightly swollen cheek, unmoving from his position. "Not a day goes by that I don't thank Neji for what he did. It's true – he saved Hinata and I, but he sacrificed himself for the entire village! Everyone was in his heart when he chose to die. That includes you!"

Tenten responded with an acidic glare, unconvinced.

"We are now all living parts of Neji's legacy. We can honor his memory by continuing living as he would have wanted! If you give up on your dreams or become consumed with bitterness then Neji's death will be in vain. He believed his sacrifice would make everyone's life better, not worse. He achieved his dream of free will so that you could continue being the Tenten he always knew and achieve the goals you always had. I will reach my goal of becoming Hokage not just for myself, but for Neji too, because that is my ninja way, dattebayo!"

Tenten wiped her eyes on her sleeve before muttering, "The loss – what it means to me – it's _different_, Naruto."

He simply shook his head. "The villagers call me a hero… but you, me, Hinata… everyone in the war knows who the real 'Hero of Konoha' is," he replied. "Hinata told me my she calls you _nee-san_, why you don't visit the grave." Tenten averted her eyes. It was hard to be confronted about this topic, especially in this state.

"Everyone's loss is different, Tenten. No one pretends to know what you're going through, but don't shut us out! I'm no stranger to losing people I love. I know what the loneliness feels like."

Tenten was stunned. Of course. Naruto lost both his parents and grew up isolated from the village. She had completely forgotten. Naruto understood pain perhaps more than anyone she knew. And here she was making a fuss with the very man who conquered that mountain of pain and is next in line to be Hokage! Now she felt like an even bigger idiot than before. The wave of resentment began to subside but replaced by equal amounts of shame.

"How did you survive the pain?" she asked earnestly. "I'm not strong enough. I'm so sorry. I'm struggling just to get through each day."

"It's okay, you don't have to be strong," he laughed. "When you're surrounded by your friends, you find a love that's greater than the pain. We're here for you, Tenten. Your friends care about you."

Somehow Tenten found herself giggling. Even through it all this lovable idiot managed to make things better with his one-of-a-kind logic. Or maybe she was insane after all. The anger wasn't gone, but for the first time in a long time she could see an end to the storm. Somehow, it made sense. "You're going to make a great Hokage," she admitted with a sigh.

"And you're going to make a great kunoichi - just like you've always been," he shot back. "But first, you need to promise that you'll treasure your life the way Neji would have. Death finds us all at different times in our lives, but he definitely would not have wanted you to go looking for it on the battlefield."

The way Neji would have? Part of the hurt was never getting know what exactly what Neji would have wanted for her, but it didn't take a genius to know that reckless behavior wasn't a part of it. She buried her face into Naruto's jacket in an awkward half-hug. "I promise, Naruto. I promise. I just miss him so much it hurts."

Shikamaru shook his head at the scene in amazement. _Geez, I don't know how he does it but his idiot rambling always hits the right place. Political tact be damned, he might make it after all._

"Tenten there's one more thing I wanted to mention," Naruto started. "As part of the Hyuuga negotiations, the head of the family has decided to open the estate grounds. He has invited several people to live there."

"Let me guess," Tenten said, looking up at him. "You're moving in with Hinata?"

"Well, yes… but..." Naruto blushed slightly. "He would like you to take a property there too."

Tenten blinked. "M-me?"

"Yeah, Hinata considers you family now. So I guess that will kind of make us related!" Naruto chuckled stupidly.

It took everything she had not to facepalm herself.

_Great, now she was related to this lovable idiot?_

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading! I welcome suggestions and corrections for the story.<strong>

***Now waits for The Last***


	3. Bargaining

**Pobre Tenten. Thank you for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters.**

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><p><strong>Chapter III<strong>

**Bargaining**

"_The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is to hope that the we can somehow undo or avoid the cause of grief. In a weaker line of defense, we may attempt some form of negotiation in order to regain control.__"_

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><p>Tenten awoke to the overbearing light of a midday sun — that, and the blaring beeping of her pager. She groaned and stuffed her head under her pillow, strongly resisting the urge to smash the annoying device. What time was it? How did she get back? Did she want to know?<p>

Slowly she mustered the will to prop herself up in bed. A searing flash of sunlight that peeked through the blinds gave her an unnecessary reminder of her hangover. Bleughhh. She began to massage her temples, trying to rub away the morning migraine.

That blasted pager was still going off.

Tenten snatched it from the nightstand and examined it angrily. "Konoha Hospital Item Return," the pager read. _Ah, book returns. _She groaned again and tossed it to the foot of her bed. She contemplated staying indoors, but that would probably be a huge mistake. The hospital historian was extremely strict about late returns and was the last person you'd want on your back. She would know. Tenten had her fair share of run-ins with the lady.

The young ninja rolled lazily to one end of the bed to grab her cell. Before she showed her face in public she'd have to check the damage. She flipped opened the phone and was greeted with a text alert: "_Lee and I brought you back to the estate. Damn girl we need to go drinking together sometime!_"

Tenten checked the sender: Hanabi.

She chuckled to herself as she closed the alert and navigated to the Photos folder. Hanabi was like the hilarious younger sister you never knew you wanted. How she could possibly be related to Hinata was beyond her, but she was grateful to have both the sisters around. It made the transition to the estate all the more easier.

She felt her heart flutter nervously when she saw several photos labelled under yesterday's date. Tenten opened them up and began to click through the series. Mostly harmless selfies, thank god. She breathed a sigh of relief. The series ended with a picture of her, Ino, Sakura, and Hinata. Tenten brought the screen closer to her face. Goodness, they all looked so pretty. Ino's dress was absolutely gorgeous — enough to make even Tenten a little jealous. And Hinata was… well, the bride definitely stole the show.

She looked at herself in the picture with a sort of removed curiosity. Though she wasn't used to dressing formally she had to admit she looked pretty good, especially for doing her own hair and make-up. She drew several compliments that night with her traditional Chinese attire. _Not a bad move, if I say so myself._

It was interesting seeing how her childhood friends reacted to the wedding. She had pictures with most of the Konoha 11, all smiling and striking various poses throughout the night. But there was always a missing space, a vacant feeling, like they were making room for someone else to join the picture… yet no one ever did. Tenten began to wonder how Neji would have reacted, and then immediately regretted it. The "what-ifs" flooded her mind again.

_What if he was alive?_ That was the ultimate question that brought her both joy and sadness at the same time. She would remember him, try to inject his personality into these situations so that he could be there too. How would he react if he were alive? Probably stoic and aloof as usual; maybe a little sore that Naruto was marrying his cousin. He'd hang off to the side, mostly talking to Hiashi. The others would probably poke fun at him asking when he would start crying tears of joy. Of course, he'd deny any such feelings. Tenten knew better. Underneath that cold exterior was a man full of compassion and fiercely protective of his loved ones. He cared deeply for his friends and family and if you thought otherwise, then you can't say you really knew him.

Tenten snapped her phone shut as if to cancel this line of thought once and for all. Usually these ideas would get to her, but recently she found herself feeling strangely optimistic. For what, and why, she didn't know. Something inside her told her to hang onto her hope, like something in the future was coming her way.

The source of this renewed confidence puzzled her, but she gratefully accepted it. For once it felt nice to breathe normally. It felt nice to look forward to tomorrow. It felt nice to purely feel _anything at all_, instead of living life trapped in a purgatory of disarrayed emotion.

Although it wasn't exactly one of their village's traditions, she wondered if she would ever "catch the bouquet", so to speak. Honestly she hadn't thought much about it before. But now that everyone around her seemed to be getting engaged the questions began to fly. She counted thirteen times last night alone that someone had asked when she would get back in the dating scene (twice from Sakura). Earlier she might have stormed off in anger, but now she simply shrugged and replied that she didn't know. It was true. She never considered herself as _needing_ a man, but maybe that's because she took for granted the one man who used to have a strong presence in her life. Now…? She wasn't sure. Maybe his death was a sign that things for her were never meant to be. Or maybe she could move on, even though from where she stood she couldn't picture it. The future was too fuzzy to make out if there was someone beside her.

That was too far ahead. For now she would focus on taking life one step at a time.

And that meant returning her library books.

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><p>Tenten walked up to a bookshelf labeled "Chakra Networks". Most of the numerous volumes of research hadn't been touched for years, evidenced by the growing layer of dust. One small section in the center had seen some recent activity, most likely all from Tenten herself. She reached into her bag and pulled out a journal, then placing it in the only empty slot on the shelf. <em>Hmm, what next?<em> she thought to herself as she scanned the nearby volumes. _"Chakra Systems and Doujutsu Techniques." Sounds like a winner to me._

At that moment a man in a wheelchair turned the corner and faced her down the aisle. He wore a sky blue robe and sported a gallant bowl-cut that matched his gallant smile. One foot was wrapped in a heavy cast and propped up in a leg rest. Many in the village would recognize him as a retired jounin and a pivotal fighter in the last war, but to Tenten he was, and always would be, her teacher.

"Gai-sensei!" she exclaimed.

"Good morning, Tenten!" he shouted in a deep, baritone voice. "You survived the night, I see!" He gave her a thumbs up and flashed another smile. Tenten was quickly reminded of her genin days when Gai would strike the "Nice Guy Pose" every chance he could. She imagined he would do the same now if he wasn't confined to a wheelchair. The thought broke her heart a little.

"Yes, it was quite the wedding."

"And you are quite the drinker. The power of youth indeed burns within you!" he beamed at her.

Tenten flushed a bright shade of red. Gai sensei was the last person she'd want teasing her about getting drunk. "Let's not talk about it. Why are you here anyways?" she replied trying to change the subject.

"Ah, yes! I asked Lee where I might find you today. He…" Gai paused and wrinkled his nose, "…'texted' me you might be at the medical library."

"_You're_ texting now?" Tenten laughed. "Technology really is amazing, huh? The world is changing every day."

Gai pulled out his own mobile phone from his pocket. He turned it over, examining it with a flair of suspicion. "I still can't believe what you can do with this tiny box."

"You should see what they give us in ANBU — cutting edge stuff."

"Incredible," Gai murmured as he shook his head. "I am still convinced they must have created powerful forbidden jutsus to create this magical device."

She offered no response but smiled happily. She wondered if perhaps one day she'd be the one in the wheelchair, marveling as the young world around her passed her by.

"Tenten," he said very seriously, "you must give me your number so you can keep in touch with your old sensei."

"Oh I don't think I'm ready for that!" she cackled. "I don't want any five o'clock calls reminding me that I'm in my springtime of youth."

"But Lee appreciates them!"

"I will definitely think about it, Gai sensei," the kunoichi admitted with an exasperated sigh.

A beat of silence.

"Now then," began Tenten, "are you going to ask me about the books?"

Her former sensei cocked one brow. "Oh, so you know?" With a grunt he reached up and grabbed the journal she had just replaced on the shelf. "_Chakra Systems of the Clans of Konohagakure_," he read the title aloud. "Lady Tsunade's medical research before the great war. I thought you gave up being a medic nin a long time ago."

Tenten simply shrugged. "I did. I just read this in my pastime."

"Have you been reading much on medical jutsu?"

"Here and there."

Gai frowned and returned the book to its proper place, his usually brilliant countenance replaced with a grave expression. "Tenten… our database algorithms have detected a suspicious pattern of items, checked out under your name. This has raised some red flags. The Hokage has asked me to address it."

Tenten bit her lip in a half-smile. "Computers nowadays. Hah, I should have known."

"Tenten this is no laughing matter. Using ANBU clearance to access confidential medical files, Tobirama's techniques, Tsunade's research… The Sixth is tempted to call in a security breach. We have seen this behavior once before from a former missing nin."

"Who?" she asked though she wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer.

Her master's eyes narrowed. "Orochimaru."

She knew Gai was serious but Tenten couldn't help but laugh a little. "Seriously, you're comparing me to Orochimaru? You think I want to destroy the village?" she chortled.

"No of course not," remarked Gai. "I'm giving my youthful lotus the benefit of the doubt. But it's well known Orochimaru was carrying out inhumane experiments before he was caught and forced from the village, so I've been ordered to investigate regardless. Please tell me, Tenten… what is this all about?"

Tenten averted her gaze to the floor and heaved a sigh. No point in lying now; cat's out of the bag. She rubbed her arm as she tried to find the right words to explain something of this magnitude. "You know I would never do anything to anything to put a person in harm's way," she said softly to which Gai nodded. "I'm only doing what I think could help people. I'm researching a way to communicate with the deceased."

Gai rubbed his chin, deep in thought. To Tenten he seemed surprisingly unaffected. "Mmm, so I feared," he muttered deeply. "This is troubling. You do understand jutsus that create a link with the dead are high forbidden?"

"Trust me, Gai, I know, but I'm not trying to wield them as weapons," she retorted. "I am solely working toward something productive."

"Even so, breaking the barrier between the living and the dead always requires some sacrifice on behalf of the user of the jutsu," Gai replied. "Life in exchange for life. It can never be completely 'harmless'. Tenten, this line of thought will lead you down a dark path that you don't want to take. You _must_ stop this inquiry!"

Tenten hadn't expected to be met with such criticism. Why wasn't he asking her about her findings? Her progress? Her research methods? He would find it was all quite humane. On the surface it may seem treacherous, but the devil's in the details. Why wasn't he asking about the _details_? All the past times these techniques were researched were for personal gain. _She_ was going to do it right.

Nonetheless, the idea of being stopped in her tracks made her pulse quicken nervously. "Sensei, you don't understand. I'm on the verge of something," she pressed onward. "I'm looking into using the Treasured Tools as an alternate power source for a reanimation technique similar to Edo Tensei."

Gai's hand shot up to silence her. "Those sage tools were given to you to protect, not abuse," he warned sternly. "Do you remember how many deaths were caused by Edo Tensei during the war?"

"This time will be different — controlled! Think of the applications! We'll be helping people!"

"TENTEN!" he roared, gripping the sides of the wheelchair so hard they were liable to shatter. The kunoichi felt as though her last comment would have earned her a youthful slap across the face if she was within arm's reach. "Don't act under the guise that you are doing this for the good of the village. Are you doing this for others or for your own selfish reasons?"

Tenten shuddered involuntarily. This was not the way she expected this conversation to happen. To be condemned by Gai-sensei was like being disowned by her family. "I…I-I'm just doing," she stammered, "what I feel is right, what I feel I have to do!"

Gai appeared to relax in his seat. He crossed his arms, offering for her to continue.

Tenten explained, "You once told me to always chase after my dreams. You told me never to give up what I'm fighting for, to always find a way. For once I'm doing that, and I'm so close _I can feel it_! With our technology and-"

Gai interrupted, "Do not twist the words of the springtime of youth towards depraved goals. These laws are in place for good reason. We must let the dead lie. Tell me, who is worth so much trouble that you must break the peace of their great slumber?"

"Neji," she replied quickly and matter-of-factly. She wasn't going to hide behind the mask of obscurity any longer. She wasn't going to deny her resolve. Not here, not now. If this was the last stand then she was going to make Gai see her side of the story at any cost.

"Mmm, Neji… I always wondered if the springtime of youth burned within you two," Gai contemplated with closed eyes. Tenten blushed suddenly realizing that she had just made a confession, and what's worse, to _Gai-sensei_. Of _all_ the people! Tenten wasn't really good with any sort of emotional confrontation or confession. Now she just felt like crawling into a hole and never coming out.

"I miss him too, Tenten," Gai continued, "but trying to change what has come to pass… in _this_ way…you know it wouldn't be the same."

It wasn't like the thought hadn't crossed Tenten's mind already. Of course she'd considered it. How many countless hours, days, _months _even, of her life had she spent mulling it over in her mind? She thought about every possibility and permutation a hundred times over. The countless _what-if'_s were to blame for that.

Tenten ran her fingers lightly along the spines of the texts, stopping on the book on doujutsu chakra that she was looking at earlier. "Gai, do you remember when Madara had us under the Infinite Tsukuyomi? When we were all under the genjutsu?"

Gai's face contorted as if he had just tasted something bad. Just mention of Madara's name had that effect on some of the survivors of the war. "Yes," he grunted. "Though it was quite a while ago now."

"Well I remember it like it was yesterday," said Tenten wistfully. "I dreamt… that he was there beside me. He was alive — he was _real_. He was standing there as real as you are to me right now. I could reach out and touch him and forget about the war that never started and all the death that never happened. We were all there, together, one team again. We were happy."

The man in the wheelchair kept silent, only staring intensely at her.

"And then I woke up, and he was gone again." Tenten formed a tight fist as she recalled the memory. "For a while, I brushed the experience off as a figment of my imagination; an evil genjutsu that Madara tricked us with. But then I began to think about it more. Was it really that bad? Where was the threat? The dream was _real _to us. The Neji in my dream was as real as the one I used to fight beside."

"You would rather have stayed in the Infinite Tsukuyomi? You know it wouldn't be real!" Gai exclaimed, making a flabbergasted expression as if he thought Tenten was mad.

"Why not? Because your definition of 'real' is one where Neji is dead?" Tenten shook her head. "It's a different kind of 'real' — another version of reality. It'll be real to _me_. If there's a world out there where he exists then that's where I belong. So trust me when I say there are jutsus that can bring him back, even if just a memory. I'll settle for that."

A long uncomfortable silence followed. Tenten wasn't sure if Gai was too shocked or thinking of what to say next. Actually, she wasn't sure how anyone would react to this. Gai was the first person she had ever opened up to about her feelings for Neji.

Finally, he heaved a huge sigh. "Be careful of dreams. You must make sure the wrong ones do not lead you astray."

The young ninja winced. She expected something like this from her former sensei, but his words still stung like hell. The man who had motivated her every day to fight to make her dreams come true was now telling her to give them up. Was he being a hypocrite? An optimist? Maybe that was his own way of hiding the real world bullshit from innocent-minded genins. Well too bad. He wasn't allowed to flip-flop now when it was convenient for him.

"I was under the genjutsu too. Do you know what I dreamt of?" Gai asked her but received no reply. He continued anyways. "I dreamt that I could challenge my eternal rival Kakashi for as long as I lived. My father was also alive, proud to see his son fight on par with the famed Copy Ninja."

"Then that makes two of us with dreams that won't come true," Tenten snapped back. "Kakashi is hokage while you're stuck in a wheelchair!"

She regretted the words as soon as they had left her mouth. Her hands clamped over her lips to stifle a gasp. "Gai-sensei I'm so sorry!" she blurted out, running forward to him.

Her master's gaze dropped to the floor as he hung his head low and lifeless. Gai sensei was typically such an over-the-top person; in all her years she had never seen him look so defeated. He appeared hunched over and seemed to her as if he might cry… but instead he began to _chuckle_. "No, you're right," he whispered. "I have come to terms with the end of our rivalry. It wasn't easy. I could certainly have to tried to extend it, but I knew it was time. Do you know why I turned down the surgery that gave Naruto and Sasuke back their arms?"

"No," said a genuinely stunned Tenten, stopping in her tracks. "We didn't even… we thought… this whole time I just thought Tsunade couldn't do the same for you because of the damage after opening the eighth gate."

"Hah, well Lady Tsunade is capable of a great many things. Yes, she could have given me a replacement leg with Hashirama's cells, but I refused."

"Why!" Tenten shouted in bewilderment. "Now you have to go everywhere in a wheelchair!"

Gai scooted forward put a hand firmly on his student's shoulder. "Because, my dearest flower," he said, smiling sweetly, "sometimes it's better to let things go."

Tenten's mind was paralyzed by disbelief. _Gai-sensei had freely given up his springtime of youth?_ To think she would live to see this day. She wondered if he had told Lee. "Was it hard? Letting go?" she asked him. "I.. I could try. God knows I've _been_ trying. But I think it will be the be the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

"Yes, of course, but not as hard as it would have been living a lie."

Tenten stood erect. Living a lie? Living in a dream world where Neji was alive didn't seem like it would be very difficult. In fact she would think of nowhere else right now she'd rather be.

But over the years…

…

…would it take a toll?

Would she know, in the deepest recesses of her heart, that it wasn't true… like a splinter in her brain, slowly driving her mad? Insanity seemed to lie in wait at the end of every path, ready to pounce on its prey.

Gai puffed up his chest confidently and said, "I readily made my sacrifice during the war. The aftermath may not have been ideal, but I am grateful to be alive and have come to terms with what was lost. You must do the same for Neji."

A chill ran down Tenten's spine. Gai's case was all very reasonable. Suddenly she got the impression that she was losing the argument and being backed into a corner. And with every step she took behind her, the lifeline to her late teammate become more and more thin. "Sensei, please don't do this," she begged him with a renewed sense of urgency. "Come see for yourself. Put me under supervision. Do whatever it takes. Kakashi can see! I won't touch any forbidden jutsu, I swear! Everything I'm working on will be safe!"

"Tenten this is NOT a negotiation!" he roared. "Listen to yourself right now. You are bargaining for ownership of Neji's soul like it's some piece of property to be traded. You do not have the right to decide whether he should be alive or dead!"

Tenten nearly stumbled back. "I… n-no, Gai-sensei. I would never-"

"Do you see now," he said, "why it is forbidden? Not because it is inherently dangerous — I am sure you have good intentions — but because this power puts you in control of other people's destiny. It is not a question of whether or not the user is an enemy; no one should have the sole power to decide who lives or dies. To bring Neji back would be to overrule his decision to sacrifice himself. You would be creating a version of him that is molded to your own desires. You would _take away his free will. _That is the last thing he would want."

The kunoichi felt her heart nearly stop. _Take away his will?_ _Can you take away the will of someone that's not alive? Resurrection… does it make you the master of their life? Is there no escape from making them your de facto puppet?_ In life, freedom of choice was one of the most important things to Neji. If he was brought back, would he see it as a betrayal of his last act of free will? Would he _hate _her for it?

"But what choice do I _have_?" she wailed clutching a fistful of the sides of Gai's robe. "I feel like if I stop here… if I let this go, I'll lose him forever. I can't do that."

Gai put a palm firmly over his chest. "Neji will never be lost forever. He's always with us."

Oh god, there it was. The most cliche line in the book. She felt like slapping him for even saying that. How many times would she have to hear that before she burst? "Everyone keeps saying that — that he's always 'here'," she replied caustically. "He's not. He's gone. He's been gone since the war. Don't be ridiculous. I appreciate that you're trying to make me feel better, but I'm just tired of it all."

Gai shook his head. "No, Tenten, you don't understand." He motioned her over to the back of his wheelchair and flashed his signature smile. "Come, take a walk with your sensei."

* * *

><p>At Gai's request the two traveled out of the hospital and into a nearby wooded area, Tenten pushing the wheelchair somewhat reluctantly from behind, and Gai occasionally giving her directions but otherwise silent. They passed quietly over gentle hills and streams. A slight wind carried some leaves into Gai's lap, which he didn't brother brushing away. Tenten wondered impatiently after several minutes if he was taking her somewhere specifically or if she was just supposed to get some epiphany while wheeling her sensei around.<p>

"Ah, here!" Gai said suddenly and pointed excitedly to an overlook just off the path.

Tenten changed direction and wheeled him onto the grass. As they neared the edge of the overlook a small grassy clearing not fifty feet down came into view. A couple jarring yells brought Tenten's attention to two figures sparring below. Both were wearing tacky green jumpsuits; crowning their heads were black bowl cuts shiny enough to make even Gai-sensei proud.

"Lee!" Tenten exclaimed. "And his student!"

Tenten regretted not knowing him by name. She heard several weeks ago Lee got himself his first student but had forgotten to ask who it was. Lured in by the power of youth, no doubt. She was always amazed that there was no shortage of 'hot-blooded and passionate' Gai-clones willing to learn the tenets of the springtime of youth. If this mini-Lee was a non-ninjutsu user too, then he couldn't have picked a better man to learn from — as long as he was like Lee, that is.

"Konoha _senpuu_!" the small boy shouted as he flew forward with a whirlwind kick. Lee blocked it deftly and then looked up with a giant grin on his face.

"Yes, that was it!" Lee cried triumphantly. "You've mastered the greatest dynamic entry of your springtime of youth! I'm so proud of you!"

Tears began to well up in his student's eyes, "Oh sensei!"

The two skipped forward and met in a dramatic embrace, sobbing happily.

_Like master like student_, thought Tenten.

"Neji exists now in a different way than you and I," said Gai as he examined the scene nostalgically. "What remains of him is not in a physical sense, but _memories_: how you remember him, how I remember him, how Lee remembers him. That is the Neji that the children of Konoha will learn of — the Neji they will hear stories of." He motioned to mini-Lee below. "Lee's pupil, Kurenai's daughter, Naruto's future children, none of them will know Neji like you did. You must tell them. They will learn, through you, how he turned the tide of the war and how we are all here today because of his sacrifice." He reached over his right shoulder and took her hand in his own calloused fingers. "So you see, he _is_ with you. He lives on, thanks to you. Tenten, you are responsible for his legacy. You don't need to bring him back because he never left. The only way Neji can be gone forever is if you forget him."

Tenten smiled slightly and squeezed his hand back. "No I could _never_ forget Neji," she told him. "I will treasure his memories as long as I live. I just want things back to the way they were before. Is it that bad to wish we could grow old together?"

As Gai released his grip he swiveled the wheelchair around to face her. "My father once told me not to be sad for a man who has committed his life to save his friends on the battlefield. Neji might have protected Hinata and Naruto, but he surely would have done the same for you and Lee. Do not make light of his decision. It was the last act of a man in his springtime of youth."

Even though he paid extra attention to Lee, Tenten knew Gai sensei cared for each of them equally as much. She imagined losing Neji would have been something like losing a son for him.

"Gai-sensei."

"Hmm?"

"Did you never have time for love?"

Her old master thought for a moment before bursting into thunderous laughter. "There is no one that could keep up with Konoha's noble blue beast!" he boasted, face brimming with pride.

"That is… very true," admitted Tenten.

"Besides, when you became my students, I got the greatest gift I could have ever asked for. I think of you and Lee as my children, and each and every one of you have made your old man proud. You grew up to be fine ninjas — you, Lee, and Neji too. Now it's time for me to sit back and watch as the springtime of youth is passed to you." He glanced over at mini-Lee, who was packing his gear and preparing to leave for the day. "And hopefully from you to others."

Tenten squatted down next to her teacher and brought her face close to his. This lovely man, though over the top at times, was largely responsible for her entire ninja career. He brought the three together as a cohesive unit and at the same time kept Neji and Lee from killing each other. "I'm glad you're here, sensei," she said and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I have no idea what I'd do if I had lost you too. You've been like a father to me all these years. He would never have never admitted it, but I'm sure Neji felt the same way too. Thank you." Tenten leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. She felt her eyes begin to water, like something sharp had pierced her chest, as she struggled with what she was about to say next. "We'll have it your way… I'll end all this business. It's not what he would want."

It didn't take long for the tears to start streaming down a stunned Gai's face. He flung his arms around her and hugged her back with the strength of a grizzly bear.

"Oh my sweet beautiful youthful flower!"

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading! This chapter got a little weird. Tenten's not a villain! She's just desperate :P<strong>

**Next chapter will probably be a short one. Cheers!**


	4. Depression

**Sorry for the late update! School n' stuff, ya know. Thanks for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters.**

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><p><strong>Chapter IV<strong>

**Depression**

"_Sadness and regret predominate in a reaction to the practical implications relating to the loss. We worry that in our grief we have spent less time with others that depend on us. In a more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private manner, this stage serves as a quiet preparation to separate and bid farewell.__"_

* * *

><p>Under the cover of night Konoha is a completely foreign place, its once bustling streets now quiet and bare save for the rogue genin rushing back to make curfew or the occasional jounin ambling about in the afterhours. On the outskirts of town, the daytime business of villagers is replaced by the equally vibrant nightlife of nature. The songs and croaks of insects and other small creatures permeate the landscape. You would have never guessed that just hours ago the village had been celebrating its biggest event of the year. All of its inhabitants crowded along the central street throwing confetti, waving banners, and overflowing with excitement as they watched the procession of ninjas and festival floats. With their shouts of praise they both extolled the veterans of the war and honored the fallen who had made their victory possible.<p>

Ironically the The Festival of the Great War that took the Leaf by storm each year was the anniversary of some very painful deaths. Tenten had some good days and some bad ones. This was not one of the good.

It had been many years since that day, many Festivals ago. Tenten managed to pick up her life after her somewhat embarrassing episode with Tsunade's medical research and lived since without incident. She made a lot of progress towards reintegrating into society. Her social life livened up once again, and for the first time she felt like she was taking steady steps forward instead of back. In fact she even made a name for herself after joining ANBU; the people in the village began to call her the Legendary Weapons Mistress after hearing lofty tales of her feats within the organization. Tenten herself held the title mostly with disdain — she felt the word "legendary" should be reserved for none other than the great Lady Tsunade. But at the same time she was secretly happy that she and Tsunade would even be mentioned in the same sentence. How far she had come from that young genin girl who had only dreamed of such an honor.

Yet even though her life seemed back on track, Tenten still could never bring herself to participate in the Festival. Even if they were honoring the sacrifices of the war it felt wrong to celebrate in any fashion. And as a result, a Team Gai tradition was quickly born. Each Festival day Tenten, Lee, and Gai, who to varying degrees all felt similarly about the occasion, would instead hike deep into the Land of Fire on a quasi camping trip — "quasi" because Lee and Gai would always manage to turn it into a _training_ trip by the day's end. The trio would typically make camp, sit around a campfire and reminisce about the old days. Tenten was always grateful for the company. She needed her team's presence and the isolation of the forest to be shielded from the events of the Festival, which was always and absolutely the hardest time of the year for her.

It amazed her, really, how much time she could spend putting together the building blocks of her life to see it all come crashing down on one day. One day, the same day, every year. The one day she would let her heart ache and bleed. It was these moments that kept nagging at her and leaving in her mind little whispers that she would never truly get over it. It was a scary prospect, the idea that each time the wound would reopen just as painfully as the last.

As she stood wordlessly above Neji's grave, she felt the same sensation she felt each year — like she was drowning. Being pulled ever downwards towards the deep and endless abyss. She felt powerless to the force, immobilized even. All she could do was keep her chin tilted helplessly towards the surface, unsure if she would ever take another breath again.

It was the worst feeling in the world. How long had she stood here expecting some sort of comfort and consolation to come to her? How many of her tears had fed this small patch of earth? Even though the pain was mostly confined to only one day of the year, it didn't make the agony any more bearable.

Tenten knelt down delicately, placed a single white flower on the gravestone, and then promptly stood to leave. For her own sanity, it was probably best if she didn't linger. On her way out of the cemetery she noticed the faint smell of smoke on the air; a freshly lit cigarette lay burning on top another gravestone. _Shikamaru must have just been there recently to pay his respects to Asuma-sensei._ She knew the Festival was well-intentioned, but for too many it served as an inadvertent reminder that those that lay in the cemetery would not be joining the celebration. The fact the memorials gained several visitors on this day gave Tenten cursory relief. The war had been cruel to many. She wasn't alone.

As she approached the exiting gate she caught glimpse of a shadowy figure off to the side observing another respective gravestone. Tenten paused to get a better look, and immediately recognized him from the mask he wore tightly around the lower half of his face and the long white cloak with the character 六 painted on the back. It was the Sixth. Tenten surmised he was visiting the graves of his former teammates from his genin days. She remembered back when she herself was a genin, how Kakashi would infamously point out that everyone he loved was dead. A lot had happened since then, and she wondered if he would still say the same thing now.

Tenten was about to continue to the gate when suddenly she considered going over to Kakashi. Obviously she felt conflicted about approaching in such a sensitive moment. Everything told her that he was an extremely private man that kept his personal life veiled and yet she still found herself walking towards him, fueled by the mature curiosity of a fellow veteran nin.

"Good evening, Hokage-sama," she began when she was within conversation distance.

Kakashi turned and raised a brow. "Oh, Tenten? I didn't see you there," he replied. She figured that was probably a lie. "Please, we don't need the formalities here. Even after all these years, I'm still not used to you guys calling me that."

Tenten smiled, "Okay, Kakashi-sensei." She felt young again whenever she was around the goofy superiors of her genin days. Most people never witnessed the humorous side of the Hokage, but when Might Gai was your sensei that was just about _all_ you saw.

The stone in front of Kakashi read '_Nohara Rin_', one of his two former teammates. It was bizarre to think Tenten had it _lucky_, but Kakashi had lost both of his friends as well as his teacher. _Talk about having it rough_, she thought to herself. He knew better than anyone the things she had experienced.

Kakashi gestured in the direction Tenten had come from. "You're here for Hyuuga Neji, right?" he asked plainly, after which she nodded back. He then bowed his head slightly and said, "I apologize for my teammate. Obito caused many of the villagers grief. I understand if you feel resentment—"

Tenten held up a gloved hand to stop him there. "No, no, that would be petty anger," she interrupted. "I'm way over that. Besides, Madara was the one responsible for manipulating him." As he raised his head again she swore she could see Kakashi smile beneath the mask.

"I'm glad you feel that way," he replied.

A moment of silence passed and Kakashi's gaze returned to Rin's headstone.

"How do you get over it?"

Kakashi seemed unfazed by the question, as if he had been expected her to ask it from the start. His eyes rose to the stars glittering brightly in the night sky. Tenten had no clue what was going through his mind. Maybe a million thoughts; maybe nothing. Kakashi was historically very hard to read but she was confident he would offer some useful advice. Finally he turned to her with smiling eyes and said, "Ah well, you never really do."

Her jaw dropped and she looked at him incredulously. That was it? _That_ was his comforting advice? Kakashi, quickly picking up on her disbelief, scratched the back of his head shyly. "I suppose I'm not great at this sort of stuff," he confessed.

_No kidding_, Tenten said to herself. She hadn't realized how accustomed she was to Gai's very _involved_ style of mentorship. Between her overly emotional teacher and Kakashi, she wasn't sure which she preferred right now. One could be too overbearing while the other was often too distant.

"One day it will come to you," Kakashi continued as he set out to explain the confounding statement. "You realize that instead of blaming someone, or thinking about how things could have been different, you should be grateful they shaped your experience while they were in your life. It's not about getting over it, it's about learning to live with it." Naruto and Gai's words echoed in Tenten's ears: _Legacy_. "I used to be in a position just like you. I joined ANBU after I became a jounin and stayed for many years, though I never became a Division Captain like you did."

Tenten chuckled and waved the compliment away modestly, "_Please_."

"But I was in a dark place, living in the shadow of my teammates' deaths. After I left ANBU my friends recommended I be assigned to the genin teams. At first I was skeptical of the idea. I didn't see the point of taking on students, but then I changed my mind. Even as the teacher, it turns out students were teaching _me_." In any other situation Tenten would have found the idea of Naruto teaching Kakashi-sensei rather ridiculous. Still, she listened intently. "I saw the spirit of Rin and Obito in the eyes of my students. The guidance I gave them evolved from lessons I learned with my genin team. I found a new passion in touching the lives of the next generation. That's how you live with it. Replace the pain with a passion that honors your past friendships. Neji was a good man — he would have wanted you to find your own passion too."

"My own passion, huh?" repeated Tenten softly. For the longest time she only thought about becoming a powerful kunoichi like Tsunade, but that was more of an abstract goal than a passion. Besides, she had more or less already achieved that dream through her illustrious career in ANBU. But was there still more left to her story? She began to wonder what she was really passionate about and what other career options lay ahead of her. What would honor her friendship with Neji? Mostly all they did together was train, whereas Kakashi's teammate had a very clear-cut goal of becoming hokage. Kakashi owned up to becoming the Sixth partly in order to realize Obito's dream. _Thank god Neji didn't want to become hokage..._

Kakashi interrupted her thoughts, "Were you two…?" His voice trailed off, but she knew what he was implying.

Tenten shook her head, smiling. "We were always close, but I didn't know exactly where we stood," she explained, a hint of regret in her voice. "His death hit me so hard that for a long time I might have mistaken the feelings I had for love. But I was young and overwhelmed. Now I'm not sure. It's all kind of silly… as if it even _matters_ anymore."

"That's no good," the hokage answered simply. "As long as you leave it unanswered, you will be unsatisfied."

Tenten frowned at his suggestion, "We never got a chance to talk about it though." They never got a chance to do a lot of things actually.

"Make a choice then. Decide how _you_ feel, and Neji will accept it," Kakashi responded, pushing the matter.

_He'll accept it?_ It almost sounded like another one of those vague politically-correct attempts to make her feel better. Tenten wondered where he was going with this.

"I believe they are watching over us," he explained, "that Neji is watching over you. He will accept the destiny that you have won for yourself. And he will accept any feelings that you discover."

"How can I know that's true?" argued Tenten with a hands-on-hip stance. "You make it sound like I'll see him again. That's nice and all but you can't be sure." She was growing tired of the whimsical consolation and was about ready to turn her mind off to the conversation.

"When Pein attacked the village, I saw my father," Kakashi replied staring straight back at her.

Tenten's ears perked up, "Your _father_?" Kakashi's father, otherwise known as the White Fang, had killed himself before she was even born.

"I was close to death. I thought I was gone myself. Everything turned black and then…" Kakashi paused as he recalled the scene. "Then he was there, greeting me like nothing had changed. He was in a place where the souls who have unfinished business wait to meet others. My father had been waiting all these years, just to talk to me." He chuckled and shook his head. "What a stubborn guy."

Kakashi turned to her and offered her a masked smile, "I can't say what I saw wasn't just a vision — it may have been — but I have a feeling you will see Neji again someday."

Tenten could hardly contain all the new information. Had Kakashi glimpsed the afterlife? She was obviously skeptical, but her interest was undoubtedly piqued. Was Neji really watching? Was he waiting for her? It must take some real tenacity for a guy to wait that long. She didn't know Kakashi's father personally, but she could say for certain Neji was the most stubborn bastard she had ever known.

"Sorry," he whispered, rubbing his neck again, "I guess Gai is better with the speeches."

"No!" she blurted almost immediately. "Thank you for speaking with me, Kakashi-sensei. Things have gotten better over the years, but it all keeps coming back on this day over and over. Sometimes it's overwhelming and... I can't see an end in sight."

The Sixth hokage nodded understandingly. "I know it's hard to imagine you can ever heal from it," he said, "but for now take hope in knowing that one day you will. The most important thing is to remember is that it's okay to be sad. That is nothing to be ashamed of. We each have our own ways of dealing with it. Take as long as you need." Kakashi held up a departing hand as he turned to leave. "Well then, I'll should be off now. See you later."

"Goodbye," she replied as he walked off in the opposite direction, quickly disappearing into the night and leaving her alone in the cemetery with nothing but her thoughts.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading! I'm actually happy I've finally reached the Acceptance stage. YOU DON'T NEED TO SUFFER ANY MORE TENTEN! :(<strong>


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